Thursday, September 09, 2004


Jesus, I'm tired. My body is seriously craving some (previously lost) sleep. And my dreams. Good god. I've always had a very active dream life, but the last few's like I'm cramming about three nights worth of dreams into one. Last night I dreamed that I fell asleep on our airport runway...and after a couple of planes flew over me to land, they closed the runway...because I was so sound asleep they couldn't wake me.

Boyfriend has had gigs six out of the last eight nights. I've been knocked out by the time he gets home every night, and they haven't been particularly late gigs. I haven't even heard him come in--I sort of wake at some point, see he's home, look at the clock and realize he's been home for awhile.

I'm a chronic insomniac, but I have the kind of insomnia where I have no trouble falling asleep...I have trouble staying asleep. I wake in the middle of the night, get up for a few hours and then typically get sleepy right before the alarm is set to go off. This has been going on for at least, oh, I don't know...40 years? But in the last year or so, I've stopped even going back to bed. Most nights lately I wake at 3 or 4 am...and just stay up. My job already bores me to tears, so you can imagine how fun it is to get through a day there when I'm struggling to keep my eyes open most afternoons. Here's the real problem: I'm not used to working these kinds of hours...for this long a period...without a break. I've been doing it (the job) for 3-1/2 years...and this accumulated sleep deprivation is kicking my ass. It occurred to me the other day that it's been since the late 80's since I worked these kinds of hours for any length of time...and even then I bailed out after a year-and-a-half. In the TV biz, I worked later hours (on both ends). That's why I purposely temped for five years in Portland (and had myself a cool little gig going with a couple of corporations there). I could work for awhile (some of it was project work, with a specific end date)...and then take some time (a month or two) off. And I'd do my best to get my body into some sort of natural sleep rhythm during the off times. For the most part, I haven't been able to do that during my vacation breaks at this job...because we're always doing something during our vacation time. And a week or 10 days simply isn't enough time for my body to get back to a natural rhythm.

But I'm doing some world-class sleeping since H. left. Maybe my body is allowing me some super-hard sleep just in time to gear up for the next phase: preparing to move...and start a brand-new life! And lord knows, a girl needs to be rested for that.


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