Monday, March 29, 2004

Mind Clearing

All day at work I had a non-work issue gnawing away at my thoughts. I kept turning things over and over in my mind. I decided around lunchtime that the best immediate antidote would be a walk on the beach after work. The boyfriend was home when I got home. I asked if he wanted to come with me, knowing he wouldn't feel like walking (since he'd been working outside all day), but I thought he might like to just sit and read for a bit. He said he was tired and didn't feel like going anywhere. I said I understood, but then asked him again...repeatedly. He kept laughing, "But you just said I didn't have to go." "Yeah, I know...I changed my mind." I don't know why it felt so important to me to have him go with me. After all, I've taken plenty of solo walks at the beach. He went with me. He took his new book and sat at a picnic table and read while I walked the length of the beach, twice. After my walk, as we were sitting there looking out at the bay, he said, "It's so quiet here this time of day. This is a nice time to come." It had been a long time since he'd been to the beach after work; I guess he'd forgotten how relaxing it can be.

The walk was great, but the entire time I was rehashing all the same thoughts. Even so, I felt much better. The feel of the sand between my toes...the water splashing around my ankles...the shimmery late afternoon light on the bay as the sun ducked in and out of clouds. I looked around to take it all in and reminded myself to feel enormously grateful to be basking in such beauty. And that in the face of such natural beauty all that other crap was really petty and meaningless.


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