Friday, July 30, 2004

pot o' gold

Just as the boyfriend was ready to leave for work, it began to rain.  It was a really heavy shower.  I knew I'd have to (or at least should) drive him to the clubhouse on the other side of the course.  And I was FURIOUS.  I don't like having my morning reverie interrupted.  I knew it was a PMS-fueled rage, but that knowingness didn't dissipate it.  I started swearing like a longshoreman.  He didn't say a word, but then he rarely speaks in the morning.  He's the world's grumpiest morning person.  I snapped, "Come on.  Let's go." and walked up to the car.  By that time the rain had stopped. 

I turned on the classical station when I got in the car to soothe my savage hormonal beast.  And as we reached the portion of the road above the course, heading due east, there was nothing but bright sun and blue sky filling the windshield.  But still, I drove just a tiny bit too fast--just to let him know (as if he wasn't already keenly aware) that I wasn't happy to be driving him.  When we reached the drop-off point, we looked at each other with a silent understanding that said, "Okay, we're both grouchy, neither of us wants to be doing this right now, but let's have a moment of sweet tenderness" and we kissed goodbye.

As I left the clubhouse, I cranked up the classical music even louder and started to relax.  I climbed the hill and rounded a turn, and when I turned back the other direction there was a huge, glorious rainbow ending in the bay where I swim.  It was as if the universe was saying, "Hey, I got you out here for a reason, but you were acting like such an asshole that you almost missed it."  I went around another corner and when I emerged from that one, a second fainter rainbow had appeared to the right of the first one.  I thought, okay, I get it.  The message for me this morning is this:  service to others is not service if we only choose to do it within our chosen timeframe.  If I'm doing you a 'favor' but I'm pissed off because I'm feeling inconvenienced by it, then I'm not doing anyone a favor, least of all myself.


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