Saturday, January 08, 2005

huge sucker

People, right now there is the BIGGEST cockroach(?)...beetle(?) I've ever seen in my life clinging halfway up one of our screen doors that lead to the balcony. The balcony lights are off (and the golf course is pitch dark beyond that) so I really only caught the outline of it reflected behind the Xmas tree lights when I first spotted it. (Shut up, we always leave the tree up through my birthday.) I"m not kidding--this thing has to be 4 inches long.

Shit! Now it's gone. That means I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS!!! I'm sure he must have fallen because he couldn't possibly have held his own weight that long. (Dear god, please let it be that he FELL...and didn't FLY.) The landlord provides exterminator service every month, which is great. So it's not unusual to stumble sleepy-eyed out of bed as I make my way to the coffee pot and find a big ol' cockroach that's snuck in under the screen door now lying legs-up-in-the-air dead on the floor. But I've NEVER seen one anything close to this size. (I just stuffed a wad of about 4 paper towels into the 1/2" gap at the bottom of the rubber stripping on the screen door.)

F**********CK!!! He FLIES!!!! He just flew back onto the screen. HE FLIIIIIIIIIIES!!!

Would it be tacky to call the boyfriend at his gig to beg him to come home?! It's only a wedding at the Ritz-Carlton. I'm sure the bride and groom wouldn't mind.


When the boyfriend walked in after his gig, I sleepily asked if he'd noticed that huge THING on the balcony. He hadn't, but said he has seen one in the past, but not for awhile. He chuckled and said, "They are a little intimidating." Intimidating? Yeah, I'd say so.


Blogger lizardek said...

Please please don't post pictures, whatever you do.

11:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Growing up in Florida, I know ALL ABOUT ambiguous, scary bugs...ERGH!

3:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

^ Durr! This is Coquette, by the way!

3:12 AM  

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