papaya

New this season is this papaya tree, which sprouted up below the landing next to our front door. As soon as these babies are ripe, all we'll have to do is open the front door to pick a papaya.

I'm feeling a bit like this tree lately. I'm growing and sprouting. I'm bearing fruit...it's just not ripe yet. I've felt a bit dazed and unfocused lately. I suppose this is a cocooning stage before I emerge into the next chapter of my life. And I hate the thought of considering that job a 'chapter' in my life. But like it or not, it's now a part of my history...or herstory. And truthfully, it served me well in a way. It reinforced my knowledge of what I absolutely don't want to do with my time. And if I hadn't felt so unhappy and dissatisfied (and pissed at myself for doing it in the first place, since I knew the moment I saw the building where the office is housed that I would hate it--my initial reaction was that visceral), I might not have started blogging. And before starting my blog, I kept up a furious email and snail mail correspondence with an old friend in California for at least a year. It was cathartic for both of us and helped us both through some rough patches. And I wouldn't have started beading. I sure as shit wouldn't have found myself sitting at a Xmas craft show with a whole table full of stuff I'd made from beach glass and wire. Being so miserable from 7:30 to 4:00 on weekdays caused me to really focus on how I wanted to spend the rest of my time. I filled it by reading novels and travel memoirs...walking on the beach and swimming and sometimes just sitting in my sand chair and staring out at the bay...blogging and writing and connecting with like-minded souls all over the place...creating and nurturing business ideas with my mate. So everything is a gift in my life--I just sometimes choose to forget that.

I suppose it's no accident that another word for gift is present. I know the present is a gift...but it sure is hard to live there sometimes.